Is It?

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So, what I’d like to call it
Is not what it always is
Sometimes
it’s happy
he’s sad
it’s disappointed
she’s gone
I wish I could remember
everything
I’m driving with you
and I can barely see out
the window
you always want
a penny for my thoughts
you always care
what I’m going through
if I’m through
I’m not used to it
disappointment
I’m not familiar with
bouncing back
because I’m still bouncing
back
the first time
was when your hug missed the mark
you didn’t know I was always shining
in your embrace
always waiting for your touch
you healed me
with your unspoken thoughts
and glances
you pretended
you were not there
but you were always everywhere
I was
everywhere for you too
I was going to show you
I was going to give you
things
hugs could not have been enough
sometimes, it was too sad
sometimes, it was too hard
for me
I forgive you
and I forgive myself
but not really myself

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